ItThe “I want a divorce” conversation is guaranteed to be bad, especially if your relationship with your spouse isn’t ideal. This will be especially difficult if they are prone to angry tantrums. If this is the kind of situation you are facing, you need to prepare for this conversation very carefully and the following tips will help you.
But before this, be advised that you need to use a different approach when divorcing an abusive spouse. In this case, you should talk to a lawyer first and, if necessary, leave the house when the threat of violence is high.
Do not blindside your spouse with the news
Everyone can get angry and some people are more prone to it. This means that their first reaction to shocking news is guaranteed to be unpleasant. Therefore, the most important thing to do when telling your temperamental spouse that you want a divorce is to make sure you don’t catch them by surprise.
It’s always best to start with requests for marriage counseling or, at least, with discussions about your relationship. Get your thoughts and feelings out in the open to make sure that your spouse knows why you are unsatisfied with the relationship. A conversation about divorce should come later as a logical progression from this dissatisfaction.
Choose your time right
When you are ready to talk about divorce, you need to choose the right moment. It’s imperative to time this conversation in a way that will allow your spouse privacy to “digest” it afterward. It’s also very important to ensure you have the privacy to both talk and process.
Consider your spouse’s work as well. It wouldn’t do to have this conversation on top of some stressful situation. Also, if you have kids, you should send them away for the weekend, if possible.
Prepare for the process
You should do preliminary research on the subject so you know what to expect and can help explain this to your spouse. At this point, you should be asking “can I get divorce online?” and “how does property division work in my state?” Finding answers to these questions will allow you to understand how much time and money the divorce process will cost you and how exactly you and your spouse can resolve the issue of marital property.
Based on this information, you will be able to decide how best to go about separating. For example, you’ll know whether you should try to sell the house before the divorce or if one of you can keep it.
Knowing these details in advance will help you outline your wishes for the future clearly so you and your spouse can start negotiating right away. Preparing an info packet for your spouse should also help mitigate their temper as angry outbursts are often caused by uncertainty that comes with news of major changes. Help your spouse see exactly what the divorce will consist of and how it will impact both of your lives on the basest levels.
Prepare to manage the anger
Even a person not prone to anger can, in fact, become angry when faced with such unpleasant news as divorce. Therefore, you should know how to mitigate this kind of reaction. It will be up to you to deescalate the situation and to do this you need to keep your calm and think rationally.
It’s very important to not antagonize your spouse if they react with anger and say hurtful things. Do not retaliate or try to justify yourself as this will only add fuel to the “fire”. Instead, calmly explain why exactly you believe this is the best decision. Use “I” phrases and focus on explaining your feelings.
Also, be ready to compromise. It might be best to start with a trial separation so both of you can cool off before continuing the conversation.